IIf you spend time online, you’ve probably learned a few psychology terms without realizing it. Take “gaslighting” – which has recently become so popular that it landed the mantle of Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year 2022.
Other terms that have crept from the therapist’s couch into the public lexicon include love-bombing, triggered, grooming and toxic. Often, mental health experts say that when we abuse these words, we also misuse them.
It “can dilute the meaning of the words themselves, and we know words have power,” says Naomi Torres-Mackie, a psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York and head of research at the Mental Health Coalition, an organization non-profit that aims to end the stigma surrounding mental health. “If we’re very quick to put labels on something, it can derail nuanced and important conversations and create this idea of supposed meaning.”
While terms like gaslighting have been around in therapeutic practice for decades or more, most have only started to become mainstream lingo in recent years, fueled by usage on media platforms. social. A viral post on Reddit or a TikTok video is enough to get the masses hooking up to a previously overlooked word.
Here are 10 psychological terms that mental health experts say we use the wrong way, along with what they actually mean.
Gas lighting
Perhaps the most commonly misinterpreted word of recent years, “gaslighting” has been widely adopted to describe any insensitive act, a lie, or simply a difference of opinion. “I hear it all the time,” says California-based psychotherapist Elisa Martinez. “People often use it in this accusatory way – maybe the person ‘gaslighting’ doesn’t take responsibility for their actions. But the reality is much darker.
The real gaslighting, she explains, happens when someone manipulates you into questioning “your sanity, your experience, your memory, even your reality.” This often happens in abusive relationships (like the one between the married protagonists of the 1944 psychological thriller gas lamp, where the term comes from). For example, someone may repeatedly emphasize that an event “never happened”, even though it did, or say something like “it’s not that bad” or “you are too sensitive”. “The intent of gaslighting is really to sow confusion and sow the seeds of doubt,” Martinez says. “It can be a very coercive and controlling tactic.”
traumatized
Tripped and fell in front of a bunch of people? What trauma!
But therapists would prefer you use a more specific term, such as embarrassing, mortifying, shocking, or upsetting. Trauma is “a severe, often chronic, physiological disturbance of the nervous system,” says Martinez. people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), for example, may experience intense distress that makes them feel like they are reliving horrible emotions from past traumatic experiences. Many people with PTSD, she adds, have died by suicide to escape the pain. “When we hear the word ‘traumatised’ used in this very casual sense, it trivializes what trauma and being traumatized really is.”
Sets off
The word “triggered” has become a common way of expressing a sense of offense or shock. (A recent Reddit search found that people were triggered by a celebrity’s red carpet dress, slow walkers, and a bad scene in an animated movie.)
In its truest sense, however, being triggered means experiencing a reminder of a traumatic experience, followed by a response such as flashbacks, self-destructive thoughts, or a panic attack. We often have the impression that the trauma is recurring or that it will recur at any time. For example, a war veteran might be triggered by hearing gunshots, resulting in distressing flashbacks, Martinez says. Or someone recovering from a substance use disorder might be triggered by seeing a character on TV using their drug of choice. “The brain and the body react as if they were in the moment again,” she says. “It can cause an emotional and physiological reaction before the person even realizes why they’re upset.”
That’s why some books, movies, and other types of media often include “trigger warnings– an appropriate use of the term – to let consumers know that the content might be upsetting to trauma survivors.
Narcissistic
One of the Internet’s favorite diagnoses is that someone is narcissistic, which has become shorthand for anyone who seems self-centered or entitled. The term is “thrown around so carelessly,” says Jacquelyn Tenaglia, a Boston-based licensed mental health counselor. “I see narcissism being particularly misapplied when used to label someone who exhibits qualities someone might not like.”
While it might be nice to call your self-talking enemy a narcissist, mental health experts suggest refraining. Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical diagnosis that can involve characteristics as an exaggerated sense of talent and personal importance; fantasies of power and beauty; a tendency to take advantage of others; and a deep need for attention and admiration. It can also manifest itself in an inability to deal with criticism, and this is especially commonly diagnosed in mensaid Tenaglia. Treatment usually consists of talk therapy and, in some situations, medication.
love bombardment
Suppose two people have been dating for a short time and one offers the other gifts and compliments. When someone makes grand gestures towards the object of their affection, onlookers may quickly call it a “love bombardment” – although in reality, it could be perfectly normal arousal.
“Love bombardment floods someone with love and affection, either to compensate for abusive behavior or to control or manipulate someone,” says Torres-Mackie. For example, a man might inundate his girlfriend with excessive attention and extravagant trips to make her feel obligated and dependent on him. True love bombardment is relatively rare and most often used in abusive relationships, often by people with narcissism. Obviously, the correct use of the term requires context and a thorough understanding of the reason for flashy displays.
Toxic
People tend to attach ‘toxic’ to anything they find upsetting. (Your boss is toxic, the barista who makes you wait 15 minutes is toxic, that pop star’s fandom is definitely toxic.) But Torres-Mackie prefers to use it to describe truly abusive situations where someone intentionally causes harm. evil. “If someone in your life is causing serious emotional damage, that’s toxicity,” she says. “If someone isn’t right for you or is a difficult person, that doesn’t mean they’re toxic” – and labeling them could be unfair, even harmful.
Grooming
Some politicians use this term – inaccurately and dangerously – spreading false anti-LGBTQ information, which then circulates on social networks. It is also misused elsewhere online. Netizens have started declaring that any older person who dates a younger person is “healing” them. But determining if this is the case requires more nuance than a computer chair diagnosis allows.
True grooming occurs when a person develops a relationship with a younger, potentially underage person with the intention of sexually abusing them, Torres-Mackie says. This often happens through online communication, and signs include undermine the victim’s relationships with family and friends; gaining trust through gifts and attention; and desensitize them to touch, for example by hugging or tickling them. Concluding that grooming is at play in any age gap relationship is “an assumption that the younger person in the relationship has no agency or power,” she adds. In fact, if that younger person is an adult, he or she can make their own decisions, without abuse.
Traumatic link
People often assume that the traumatic bond “is when two people share their experiences of trauma, and it brings them together,” says Torres-Mackie. Having a word to describe such scenarios would be helpful, but it’s not this one.
According to mental health experts, the traumatic bond actually refers to the bond or attachment between an abuser and their victim. An example of this is Stockholm Syndrome, a coping mechanism that occurs when a person develops positive feelings towards their abductor or abuser.
Martinez describes a traumatic bond as “the emotional bond – and more so, the hormonal attachment – experienced by the abused person.” Often, she explains, an abuser alternates between intense displays of love and abuse, and the victim’s brain becomes wired to latch onto these positive experiences of relief. “It can create this feeling that the abused person needs the abuser to survive,” she says. “It’s often confused with love.”
Antisocial
Don’t want to go to a party? True, but it would probably be incorrect to call yourself “antisocial.” The term is often used colloquially to indicate a lack of desire to be around other people, but it actually refers to a personality disorder associated with the repeated disregard and violation of the rights of others.
“It’s marked by criminal behavior, impulsiveness, lack of empathy and a lack of awareness of the impact you have on others,” says Torres-Mackie. Those with the disorder can be deceptive, reckless, and manipulative, and will likely have experienced symptoms for most of their lives. So the next time you want to stay home, tell your friends exactly that.
Trauma dumping
A good ventilation session is many things: an affirmation, a relief, the way two people could bond. But expressing your heart to a friend about all the difficult things you’re dealing with isn’t necessarily “trauma dumping” — a term popularized on TikTok. The true definition of this buzz term is “sharing specific details about a traumatic experience with someone who isn’t ready or doesn’t want to hear it,” says Torres-Mackie, especially repeatedly or unsolicited, or at an inappropriate time. time.
Those who experience traumatic dumping are at risk of experiencing secondary trauma that leaves them exhausted or anxious. For example, someone may share graphic details about their abusive relationship with a friend who had a similar experience, which could be triggering. The goal of trauma dumping tends to solicit a response, says Torres-Mackie, unlike healthy ventilation, which involves removing something from your chest.
More must-reads from TIME
